Troy (2004)

Film: Troy
Director: Wolfgang Peterson
Imdb User Rating: 6.9/10

Premise:It is the year 1250 B.C. during the late Bronze age. Two emerging nations begin to clash after Paris, the Trojan prince, convinces Helen, Queen of Sparta, to leave her husband Menelaus, and sail with him back to Troy. After Menelaus finds out that his wife was taken by the Trojans, he asks his brother Agamemnom to help him get her back. Agamemnon sees this as an opportunity for power. So they set off with 1,000 ships holding 50,000 Greeks to Troy. With the help of Achilles, the Greeks are able to fight the never before defeated Trojans. But they come to a stop by Hector, Prince of Troy. The whole movie shows their battle struggles, and the foreshadowing of fate in this remake by Wolfgang Petersen of Homer's "The Iliad." Written by Mensur Gjonbalaj
Blog review: I'd like to start out by saying Troy made a respectable 133 million in its U.S. release but more surprisingly it made a whopping $364 million internationally. So before I go forth and say this was a flop, it wasn't. They recouped their 175 million dollar budget hands down. Why did this thing make money, I couldn't tell you. Reading other reviews peopel seem split on the factual story and the Homer story. Personally I don't care either way. The movie is about the fall of troy and how a war began over what else a girl. So the war begins and the famous Trojan horse that we know today is used. Did the Greeks not realize the gift, wouldn't any sane person be leery of a huge gift in a time of crisis. now granted the Trojan horse did start the war. One good fight scene that was like watching "American Gladiators" between Pitt and Bana... Anyone see the comedy Mom and Dad save the world, now that was intentionally funny Trojan horse scene but this was just terrible. The reason this made money cause it was Brad Pitt and Eric Bana in a gladiator movie. And yes I do like movies with gladiators in it... no wait wrong movie.

The Movie Drop off point: The acting was so lame, many people talk about how good this movie is but there was nothing new, nothing interesting about this. The best thing I can say about this si I'm glad Wolfgang Peterson did this so he couldn't ruin the Batman Vs. Superman franchise he was slated to do. The lame Achilles heel moment, so retarded. I haven't seen the movie in a while but it still gives me heartburn thinking about it.
Recommendation: I can take any episode of Xena warrior princess of this 2-10.
Film Recommendation: Gladiator (00) Braveheart(95)

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)

Film: Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Imdb User Rating: 6.1/10

Premise: Once upon a time... it is a time of trouble is Mexico. The Mexican president has declared war on the Barillo drug cartel, who has plans to fight back by backing a coup by General Marquez. Agent Sands of the CIA is in the middle of it all trying to make sure Marquez do NOT succeed... by forcing El Mariachi himself out of retirement... El Mariachi, after the death of his wife and daughter, no longer wishes to fight, but he may not have a choice. At Culiacan, Barillo and Marquez have set a trap for the president, and Sands want El Mariachi to take out Marquez after the coup. El Mariachi called upon his two brothers for the final showdown... To save the revolution. Who will remain standing at the end? Written by K. Chang

Blog review: Some filmmakers seem to want to do the same movie over and over, Sam Raimi, Kevin Smith and RR. Fine, you want To bookend your story but come on El Mariachi, Desperado and now this thing, I can't even fathom why this was made but Johnny Depp signed on so hell lets throw a shitload of money and see what we can do. I respect RR for all the hard work he does, Troublemaker studios is him in his garage doing special effects by himself, he is an independent filmmaker in a studio environment. The movie is supposed to be his homage to Sergio Leone's Once upon a time in the west, but it falls short. The lines were forced, the acting over the top to say the least. Stories told in flashbacks and we're to assume we can connect the dots. No, no thank you.

The Movie Drop off point: First off the scenes are so dumb, a remote controlled guitar case? Seriously folks are we to think that's cool. They don't have running water in parts of Mexico but our El Mariachi is a whiz at electronics? When I saw that I was ready to leave or at least head out to a Gipsy Kings concert. RR totally over thought this film. The others were tight well thought out little adventure movies, this was just like receiving your lottery winnings and seeing what you can make up as you shot. Their was nothing interesting about this film. Okay Johnny Depp gets his yous taken out okay great... Still leaving me with nothing here.
Recommendation: Enjoy a choco taco in the park and save your money, 3 out of 10.
Film Recommendation: Sin City (05) El Mariachi(93) Django (72) or any real western

Feast (2005)

Film: Feast
Director: John Gulager
Imdb User Rating: 6.5/10

Premise: Patrons locked inside of a bar are forced to fight a monster.
Blog review:What to say about this horror movie but I longed for the previous Project Greenlight films then this movie. It's interesting to see a movie made from the beginning and how Project Greenlight was to find the most talented people from script to Screen. Feast is supposed to be a gritty horror film that takes place on a desert road in a lonely bar full of interesting characters. That night all hell breaks loose when a "creature" attacks the bar and the patrons have to fend for their lives. First off one of the major red flags of this film was that it was supposed to be released like 3 times before it got a DVD and Halloween release. So that's suspect to begin with. Did the heads of production not feel this movie was worth there money to place in theatres? I guess so and they probably saved a few bucks in the process. The opening credits run nearly 15 minutes, just as you think no more names can infiltrate the screen they credit everyone... To many hands were in the cookie jar. If you watched Project Greenlight you could see the apprehension Wes Craven had about the director John Gulagar. The direction was spotty to start with, the script seemed to be written by a deluded film fans. The story went no where, I didn't care for the characters. This was a poorly cooncieved project that should have been scrapped.

The Movie Drop off point: Like most films that are posted here their are many such events that would leave tot his movie dropping off. I mean Project Greenlight tried to make interesting independent movies with Stolen Summer and The battle for Shaker heights but this was a studio run operation to make money instead of losing it. The points are so cliched in this film and the best maybe funniest part is that anyone who handled a gun misfired it. Now I don't know if that was script thing where anyone who handles a gun pulls the trigger instantly, it looked like a Mexican wedding guns discharging at rapid fire speed. This may sound trivial but when you the audience watch a movie don't you immediately place yourself inside the film. No one with half a brain cell still left would mistakenly fire rounds and kill innocent people while a blood sucking "thing" is outside trying to suck your brains like a wookalar (the Private Eyes'1980).

Recommendation: If you enjoy pointless blood, this is for you - 2-10
Film Recommendation:The Thing (80) From Dusk till Dawn (95) Grindhouse(07)

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Film: Star Wars Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace
Director: George Lucas
Imdb User Rating: 6.3/10


Premise: Two Jedi knights, Qui-Gon Jinn and a young Obi-Wan Kenobi, along with a Naboo outcast, named Jar-Jar Binks, must help Queen Padmé save her world from greedy trade executives, and along the way, they discover a young boy, named Anakin Skywalker, who has the potential to be a powerful Jedi himself. Written by Kenneth Chisholm

Blog review: Everyone is a fan of star wars according to the box office receipts but after this movie came out i think most fan boys wanted to be stuck in 1977-1983, when the first 3 or episode IV,V, VI. This movie is supposed to set up the rest of the saga for all the future things to come. We get introduced to a young Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn and how the Jedi race will need to continue. George Lucas spent years trying to release the movie, the story line was thin at best. we were also introduced to Darth Maul, how the Senator was plotting to take over. All very important plot threads if we gave a crap. Anakin is set up on path that puts him in a race, snooze. Then we have our favorite character jar Jar Binks, I think this review is late to lay into jar Jar because we all know he was dumb. The end fight scene with Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi Wan and Darth Maul is special, the scenes evokes all the classic Star Wars scenes.

The Movie Drop off point: The hover car race scenes is WAY, WAY to long. In "Jedi" we had the speeder bike chase through the woods. That scene was spectacular cause it was in the midst of a fight with the Storm troopers. It was amazing cause we never say a great blue screen chase like that. So nearly 20 years later I guess George decided he wanted to take that to the next level. But Jake Lloyd as Anakin is not a good actor, sadly its tough role to be part of when so many fans are so crazy into the Star Wars franchise. So when the driving scene finally ended I felt like i just watched the Daytona 500, I hate Nascar. if I wanted to see cars drive, I'd sit in traffic on the 405. Only true fans feel this was a great movie, personally I think they reached to far.

Recommendation: Watch 3 minutes of each scene then hit the next chapter on the DVD remote then when you near the end sit and watch it. 3 out of 10.
Film Recommendation: Star Wars Episode 4,5, Hardware Wars

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Film: The Matrix Reloaded
Director: The Wachowski Brothers
IMDB User Rating: 7.0/10


Premise: Roughly six months after the original "Matrix", Neo begins to have nightmares about Trinity plunging to her death. Meanwhile, the rebels have returned to the city of Zion to learn that 250,000 sentinels are digging towards them in order to seek Zion and wipe out the human resistance. The Oracle gives Neo instructions to find the keymaker and seek out the source. If Neo fails the mission, then the rebellion will be crushed, and the machines will win the war. Written by keyser_soze2

Blog review: I think this is just stating the obvious about hype vs good product. Maybe one other movie Star Wars- the phantom Menace came with more hype. The revolutionary vision of the Brothers on the Matrix put their stamp on film history. So when The Matrix Reloaded came out everyone and their mothers were in line for this super long drawn out movie. As much as exec in the Industry believe effects can carry a film, they're sadly mistaken. What were the filmmakers thinking, was this story like the TV series Lost where the writers have to figure out ways to connect people. The ground work was laid in The Matrix and then they started throwing in scenes and things just stopped making sense. Don''t get me wrong the high stunt scene is amazing, great one scene in a movie that can rival "Decalogue" the ten part miniseries from Poland loosely based on the 10 commandments( that was a mouthful) The boat was sadly missed on this, much like seemingly every other sequel on the planet.

The Movie Drop off point: The point in which most people seem to cherish ( sarcasm) is the 15 minute rave scene int he catacombs of Zion. okay we get it, time to go to war, time to get you sex on. Time to feel free if only for a moment but in this case 15 minutes of slow motion gyrations. Was this needed? was this intricate to the story arc? No not in the slightest and then most people remember the scene with The Architect, this guy spewed more rhetoric then a presidential candidate in an election year. I have no idea what he was trying to get across that he couldn't in a few basic sentences. But now we had to hear minutes of convoluted dialogue. Again those moments if not one or both easily made people turned off by the film. When you tell people about the Matrix Reloaded don't you always seem to mention the pointless rave.

Recommendation: 4-10 - if this wasn't hyped so much it might have flown a little less under the radar.
Film Recommendation: The Matrix(99) Dark City (98) Equlibrium(02)

The Transporter 2

Film: The Transporter 2
Director: Louis Leterrier
IMDB User Rating: 6.1/10




Premise:We find the faithful transporter again carting around goods he usually does not. This time the cargo is again human. After he is forced to turn over his human cargo to a mercenary hired by the Colombian drug cartels, he is fingered as the kidnapper and must work in stealthy quickness to reclaim the boy, catch the real kidnapper and save the entire drug fighting community. Add in far-fetched biological warfare (a la ('Mission Impossible 2' )), several Jackie Chan-esque fight scenes and exciting vehicle chases (more than just cars). Written by FMJ_Joker

Blog Review: As much as I loved the first Transporter, it felt fresh and some what original. Jason Stathem as Frank Martin is the typical , no nonsense meticulous transporter/hit man. The man with the "plans" if you will. But here we take on the typical sequel issues. How do you make the second time around feel fresh? Answer... You don't. You take what works and try to rework it and unually unsuccessfully. I think there is a reason why only one sequel The Godfather 2 has ever won an Oscar, the reasons are many but the films are just not as well made. In the transporter 2 Frank Martin has to help out a friend. What the friend didn't tell him was that their is a plot to kidnap his employees child. So what does our hero Frank have to do... Of course save the day in some over the top, far fetched manner and aided by his french police inspector visiting, you can see the hijinks coming... can't you. Now, I'm a fan of popcorn films, I enjoy "suspending my disbelief" but sometimes it just feels as if the filmmakers are just pandering to us. Like anything they think of we have to swallow up and love. The Transporter 1 was destined to get a sequel but guys seriously have characters we actually car about. Develop the story through action , not action scenes if that makes sense. Build the suspense, we've seen this film 100 times already make it feel new.

The Movie Drop off point: In the scene Frank Martin makes a drop off near the river, he doesn't know the bad guys set a bomb under his car. At the last minute he sees the reflection of a bomb or something and knows his time is running out. So what does our fearless hero do... In a spectacular scene of sheer moronacy ( I know its not a word but it still fits) Frank Martin speeds his car up to mach 11 through a navel yard and sets off to hit a ramp. When he hits the ramp he does full 360 rotation in mid air at 30 feet at least and hitting a dangling crane hook that strategically only hits the bomb off the car. Frank manages to right the car and land safely. Now I'm not a physics professor but does that sound implausible to anyone else? I know, I know movies aren't real its make believe. Well I can't believe that people would think the audience wouldn't think that was far fetched. Once that happened that film was done for me. All I can think of was what else impossible will they think of next.

Recommendation: The action scenes are entertaining but... 4 out of 10
Film Recommendation: The Transporter (02) The Italian Job (03) Ronin (98)

BloodRayne (2005)

Film: BloodRayne
Director: Uwe Boll
IMDB User Rating: 2.5/10

Bottom 100: #89


Premise:In eighteenth century Romania, Rayne, a dhampir (half-human, half-vampire), prone to fits of blind blood rage but saddled with a compunction for humans, strives to avenge her mother's rape by her father, Kagan, King of Vampires. Two vampire hunters, Sebastian and Vladimir, from the Brimstone Society persuade her to join their cause. Written by Tracy S

Blog Review: Where can i start with this monstrosity of a horrible movie. Where was this thing conceived in a think tank of the criminally retarded. Seriously this dung heap should've been red flagged from go. The first sign of this would be the casting. Kristana Loken, okay she's alright she did a good job in T3 and it was no surprise that Uwe Boll would cast her as the lead. But Ben Kingsley was he that in need of a paycheck so bad that he'd have to do this movie. He was Gandhi for Christ sake, did his ego need to be placed in the hearts and minds of oilly faced 13 year old? I mean Kristana Loken is the selling point not SIR Ben Kingsley and dont let me get started on Michael Madsen, what the F is he doing in this Gothic vampire video game movie. Their wasn't a casting call for an action movie called Full throttle Violence or a Steven Seagal jem out there. I mean do agents actually watch the films they are putting their clients in. Okay enough of the rant, this movie makes no sense. The special effects look like they were done on a home computer. I can't even begin to explain the lame premise. if you want to know what this movie is about rent the video game.

Movie Drop off Point: Where to get started... Bloodrayne is so spectacular as a failure of a film I can't even find one specific moment. This blog is to point out where a seemingly good movie went bad but this movie is so bad I just had to add to the millions of other negative reviews. Their are scenes where their s so much blood squirting out it looks like a geyser erupted. Some directors are known to make a movie abit Bmovie for a reason but this is just a bad movie not even labeled in the "B" category. I 've heard Uwe defend his films, he even boxed critics in a boxing ring. Sounds pretty desperate move to gain recognition. Maybe Uwe should just make a good movie and no one will have to box him.

Recommendation: let the vampires bite you so the last thing you do isn't being bored to death by this movie- 1 out of 10.
Film Recommendation: Underworld, Blade, Hellboy, Near Dark