Troy (2004)

Film: Troy
Director: Wolfgang Peterson
Imdb User Rating: 6.9/10

Premise:It is the year 1250 B.C. during the late Bronze age. Two emerging nations begin to clash after Paris, the Trojan prince, convinces Helen, Queen of Sparta, to leave her husband Menelaus, and sail with him back to Troy. After Menelaus finds out that his wife was taken by the Trojans, he asks his brother Agamemnom to help him get her back. Agamemnon sees this as an opportunity for power. So they set off with 1,000 ships holding 50,000 Greeks to Troy. With the help of Achilles, the Greeks are able to fight the never before defeated Trojans. But they come to a stop by Hector, Prince of Troy. The whole movie shows their battle struggles, and the foreshadowing of fate in this remake by Wolfgang Petersen of Homer's "The Iliad." Written by Mensur Gjonbalaj
Blog review: I'd like to start out by saying Troy made a respectable 133 million in its U.S. release but more surprisingly it made a whopping $364 million internationally. So before I go forth and say this was a flop, it wasn't. They recouped their 175 million dollar budget hands down. Why did this thing make money, I couldn't tell you. Reading other reviews peopel seem split on the factual story and the Homer story. Personally I don't care either way. The movie is about the fall of troy and how a war began over what else a girl. So the war begins and the famous Trojan horse that we know today is used. Did the Greeks not realize the gift, wouldn't any sane person be leery of a huge gift in a time of crisis. now granted the Trojan horse did start the war. One good fight scene that was like watching "American Gladiators" between Pitt and Bana... Anyone see the comedy Mom and Dad save the world, now that was intentionally funny Trojan horse scene but this was just terrible. The reason this made money cause it was Brad Pitt and Eric Bana in a gladiator movie. And yes I do like movies with gladiators in it... no wait wrong movie.

The Movie Drop off point: The acting was so lame, many people talk about how good this movie is but there was nothing new, nothing interesting about this. The best thing I can say about this si I'm glad Wolfgang Peterson did this so he couldn't ruin the Batman Vs. Superman franchise he was slated to do. The lame Achilles heel moment, so retarded. I haven't seen the movie in a while but it still gives me heartburn thinking about it.
Recommendation: I can take any episode of Xena warrior princess of this 2-10.
Film Recommendation: Gladiator (00) Braveheart(95)

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)

Film: Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Imdb User Rating: 6.1/10

Premise: Once upon a time... it is a time of trouble is Mexico. The Mexican president has declared war on the Barillo drug cartel, who has plans to fight back by backing a coup by General Marquez. Agent Sands of the CIA is in the middle of it all trying to make sure Marquez do NOT succeed... by forcing El Mariachi himself out of retirement... El Mariachi, after the death of his wife and daughter, no longer wishes to fight, but he may not have a choice. At Culiacan, Barillo and Marquez have set a trap for the president, and Sands want El Mariachi to take out Marquez after the coup. El Mariachi called upon his two brothers for the final showdown... To save the revolution. Who will remain standing at the end? Written by K. Chang

Blog review: Some filmmakers seem to want to do the same movie over and over, Sam Raimi, Kevin Smith and RR. Fine, you want To bookend your story but come on El Mariachi, Desperado and now this thing, I can't even fathom why this was made but Johnny Depp signed on so hell lets throw a shitload of money and see what we can do. I respect RR for all the hard work he does, Troublemaker studios is him in his garage doing special effects by himself, he is an independent filmmaker in a studio environment. The movie is supposed to be his homage to Sergio Leone's Once upon a time in the west, but it falls short. The lines were forced, the acting over the top to say the least. Stories told in flashbacks and we're to assume we can connect the dots. No, no thank you.

The Movie Drop off point: First off the scenes are so dumb, a remote controlled guitar case? Seriously folks are we to think that's cool. They don't have running water in parts of Mexico but our El Mariachi is a whiz at electronics? When I saw that I was ready to leave or at least head out to a Gipsy Kings concert. RR totally over thought this film. The others were tight well thought out little adventure movies, this was just like receiving your lottery winnings and seeing what you can make up as you shot. Their was nothing interesting about this film. Okay Johnny Depp gets his yous taken out okay great... Still leaving me with nothing here.
Recommendation: Enjoy a choco taco in the park and save your money, 3 out of 10.
Film Recommendation: Sin City (05) El Mariachi(93) Django (72) or any real western

Feast (2005)

Film: Feast
Director: John Gulager
Imdb User Rating: 6.5/10

Premise: Patrons locked inside of a bar are forced to fight a monster.
Blog review:What to say about this horror movie but I longed for the previous Project Greenlight films then this movie. It's interesting to see a movie made from the beginning and how Project Greenlight was to find the most talented people from script to Screen. Feast is supposed to be a gritty horror film that takes place on a desert road in a lonely bar full of interesting characters. That night all hell breaks loose when a "creature" attacks the bar and the patrons have to fend for their lives. First off one of the major red flags of this film was that it was supposed to be released like 3 times before it got a DVD and Halloween release. So that's suspect to begin with. Did the heads of production not feel this movie was worth there money to place in theatres? I guess so and they probably saved a few bucks in the process. The opening credits run nearly 15 minutes, just as you think no more names can infiltrate the screen they credit everyone... To many hands were in the cookie jar. If you watched Project Greenlight you could see the apprehension Wes Craven had about the director John Gulagar. The direction was spotty to start with, the script seemed to be written by a deluded film fans. The story went no where, I didn't care for the characters. This was a poorly cooncieved project that should have been scrapped.

The Movie Drop off point: Like most films that are posted here their are many such events that would leave tot his movie dropping off. I mean Project Greenlight tried to make interesting independent movies with Stolen Summer and The battle for Shaker heights but this was a studio run operation to make money instead of losing it. The points are so cliched in this film and the best maybe funniest part is that anyone who handled a gun misfired it. Now I don't know if that was script thing where anyone who handles a gun pulls the trigger instantly, it looked like a Mexican wedding guns discharging at rapid fire speed. This may sound trivial but when you the audience watch a movie don't you immediately place yourself inside the film. No one with half a brain cell still left would mistakenly fire rounds and kill innocent people while a blood sucking "thing" is outside trying to suck your brains like a wookalar (the Private Eyes'1980).

Recommendation: If you enjoy pointless blood, this is for you - 2-10
Film Recommendation:The Thing (80) From Dusk till Dawn (95) Grindhouse(07)

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Film: Star Wars Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace
Director: George Lucas
Imdb User Rating: 6.3/10


Premise: Two Jedi knights, Qui-Gon Jinn and a young Obi-Wan Kenobi, along with a Naboo outcast, named Jar-Jar Binks, must help Queen Padmé save her world from greedy trade executives, and along the way, they discover a young boy, named Anakin Skywalker, who has the potential to be a powerful Jedi himself. Written by Kenneth Chisholm

Blog review: Everyone is a fan of star wars according to the box office receipts but after this movie came out i think most fan boys wanted to be stuck in 1977-1983, when the first 3 or episode IV,V, VI. This movie is supposed to set up the rest of the saga for all the future things to come. We get introduced to a young Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn and how the Jedi race will need to continue. George Lucas spent years trying to release the movie, the story line was thin at best. we were also introduced to Darth Maul, how the Senator was plotting to take over. All very important plot threads if we gave a crap. Anakin is set up on path that puts him in a race, snooze. Then we have our favorite character jar Jar Binks, I think this review is late to lay into jar Jar because we all know he was dumb. The end fight scene with Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi Wan and Darth Maul is special, the scenes evokes all the classic Star Wars scenes.

The Movie Drop off point: The hover car race scenes is WAY, WAY to long. In "Jedi" we had the speeder bike chase through the woods. That scene was spectacular cause it was in the midst of a fight with the Storm troopers. It was amazing cause we never say a great blue screen chase like that. So nearly 20 years later I guess George decided he wanted to take that to the next level. But Jake Lloyd as Anakin is not a good actor, sadly its tough role to be part of when so many fans are so crazy into the Star Wars franchise. So when the driving scene finally ended I felt like i just watched the Daytona 500, I hate Nascar. if I wanted to see cars drive, I'd sit in traffic on the 405. Only true fans feel this was a great movie, personally I think they reached to far.

Recommendation: Watch 3 minutes of each scene then hit the next chapter on the DVD remote then when you near the end sit and watch it. 3 out of 10.
Film Recommendation: Star Wars Episode 4,5, Hardware Wars

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Film: The Matrix Reloaded
Director: The Wachowski Brothers
IMDB User Rating: 7.0/10


Premise: Roughly six months after the original "Matrix", Neo begins to have nightmares about Trinity plunging to her death. Meanwhile, the rebels have returned to the city of Zion to learn that 250,000 sentinels are digging towards them in order to seek Zion and wipe out the human resistance. The Oracle gives Neo instructions to find the keymaker and seek out the source. If Neo fails the mission, then the rebellion will be crushed, and the machines will win the war. Written by keyser_soze2

Blog review: I think this is just stating the obvious about hype vs good product. Maybe one other movie Star Wars- the phantom Menace came with more hype. The revolutionary vision of the Brothers on the Matrix put their stamp on film history. So when The Matrix Reloaded came out everyone and their mothers were in line for this super long drawn out movie. As much as exec in the Industry believe effects can carry a film, they're sadly mistaken. What were the filmmakers thinking, was this story like the TV series Lost where the writers have to figure out ways to connect people. The ground work was laid in The Matrix and then they started throwing in scenes and things just stopped making sense. Don''t get me wrong the high stunt scene is amazing, great one scene in a movie that can rival "Decalogue" the ten part miniseries from Poland loosely based on the 10 commandments( that was a mouthful) The boat was sadly missed on this, much like seemingly every other sequel on the planet.

The Movie Drop off point: The point in which most people seem to cherish ( sarcasm) is the 15 minute rave scene int he catacombs of Zion. okay we get it, time to go to war, time to get you sex on. Time to feel free if only for a moment but in this case 15 minutes of slow motion gyrations. Was this needed? was this intricate to the story arc? No not in the slightest and then most people remember the scene with The Architect, this guy spewed more rhetoric then a presidential candidate in an election year. I have no idea what he was trying to get across that he couldn't in a few basic sentences. But now we had to hear minutes of convoluted dialogue. Again those moments if not one or both easily made people turned off by the film. When you tell people about the Matrix Reloaded don't you always seem to mention the pointless rave.

Recommendation: 4-10 - if this wasn't hyped so much it might have flown a little less under the radar.
Film Recommendation: The Matrix(99) Dark City (98) Equlibrium(02)

The Transporter 2

Film: The Transporter 2
Director: Louis Leterrier
IMDB User Rating: 6.1/10




Premise:We find the faithful transporter again carting around goods he usually does not. This time the cargo is again human. After he is forced to turn over his human cargo to a mercenary hired by the Colombian drug cartels, he is fingered as the kidnapper and must work in stealthy quickness to reclaim the boy, catch the real kidnapper and save the entire drug fighting community. Add in far-fetched biological warfare (a la ('Mission Impossible 2' )), several Jackie Chan-esque fight scenes and exciting vehicle chases (more than just cars). Written by FMJ_Joker

Blog Review: As much as I loved the first Transporter, it felt fresh and some what original. Jason Stathem as Frank Martin is the typical , no nonsense meticulous transporter/hit man. The man with the "plans" if you will. But here we take on the typical sequel issues. How do you make the second time around feel fresh? Answer... You don't. You take what works and try to rework it and unually unsuccessfully. I think there is a reason why only one sequel The Godfather 2 has ever won an Oscar, the reasons are many but the films are just not as well made. In the transporter 2 Frank Martin has to help out a friend. What the friend didn't tell him was that their is a plot to kidnap his employees child. So what does our hero Frank have to do... Of course save the day in some over the top, far fetched manner and aided by his french police inspector visiting, you can see the hijinks coming... can't you. Now, I'm a fan of popcorn films, I enjoy "suspending my disbelief" but sometimes it just feels as if the filmmakers are just pandering to us. Like anything they think of we have to swallow up and love. The Transporter 1 was destined to get a sequel but guys seriously have characters we actually car about. Develop the story through action , not action scenes if that makes sense. Build the suspense, we've seen this film 100 times already make it feel new.

The Movie Drop off point: In the scene Frank Martin makes a drop off near the river, he doesn't know the bad guys set a bomb under his car. At the last minute he sees the reflection of a bomb or something and knows his time is running out. So what does our fearless hero do... In a spectacular scene of sheer moronacy ( I know its not a word but it still fits) Frank Martin speeds his car up to mach 11 through a navel yard and sets off to hit a ramp. When he hits the ramp he does full 360 rotation in mid air at 30 feet at least and hitting a dangling crane hook that strategically only hits the bomb off the car. Frank manages to right the car and land safely. Now I'm not a physics professor but does that sound implausible to anyone else? I know, I know movies aren't real its make believe. Well I can't believe that people would think the audience wouldn't think that was far fetched. Once that happened that film was done for me. All I can think of was what else impossible will they think of next.

Recommendation: The action scenes are entertaining but... 4 out of 10
Film Recommendation: The Transporter (02) The Italian Job (03) Ronin (98)

BloodRayne (2005)

Film: BloodRayne
Director: Uwe Boll
IMDB User Rating: 2.5/10

Bottom 100: #89


Premise:In eighteenth century Romania, Rayne, a dhampir (half-human, half-vampire), prone to fits of blind blood rage but saddled with a compunction for humans, strives to avenge her mother's rape by her father, Kagan, King of Vampires. Two vampire hunters, Sebastian and Vladimir, from the Brimstone Society persuade her to join their cause. Written by Tracy S

Blog Review: Where can i start with this monstrosity of a horrible movie. Where was this thing conceived in a think tank of the criminally retarded. Seriously this dung heap should've been red flagged from go. The first sign of this would be the casting. Kristana Loken, okay she's alright she did a good job in T3 and it was no surprise that Uwe Boll would cast her as the lead. But Ben Kingsley was he that in need of a paycheck so bad that he'd have to do this movie. He was Gandhi for Christ sake, did his ego need to be placed in the hearts and minds of oilly faced 13 year old? I mean Kristana Loken is the selling point not SIR Ben Kingsley and dont let me get started on Michael Madsen, what the F is he doing in this Gothic vampire video game movie. Their wasn't a casting call for an action movie called Full throttle Violence or a Steven Seagal jem out there. I mean do agents actually watch the films they are putting their clients in. Okay enough of the rant, this movie makes no sense. The special effects look like they were done on a home computer. I can't even begin to explain the lame premise. if you want to know what this movie is about rent the video game.

Movie Drop off Point: Where to get started... Bloodrayne is so spectacular as a failure of a film I can't even find one specific moment. This blog is to point out where a seemingly good movie went bad but this movie is so bad I just had to add to the millions of other negative reviews. Their are scenes where their s so much blood squirting out it looks like a geyser erupted. Some directors are known to make a movie abit Bmovie for a reason but this is just a bad movie not even labeled in the "B" category. I 've heard Uwe defend his films, he even boxed critics in a boxing ring. Sounds pretty desperate move to gain recognition. Maybe Uwe should just make a good movie and no one will have to box him.

Recommendation: let the vampires bite you so the last thing you do isn't being bored to death by this movie- 1 out of 10.
Film Recommendation: Underworld, Blade, Hellboy, Near Dark

Escape From L.A. (1996)

Film: Escape from L.A.
Director: John Carpenter
IMDB User Rating: 4.9/10







Premise: The year is 2013 and Snake Plissken is back from Escape From New York. An earthquake has separated Los Angeles from the mainland. In the New Moral America, all citizens not conforming to the new laws (no smoking, no red meat, no Muslims in South Dakota) are deported to L.A., now a penal colony. The President's daughter has stolen a doomsday device and has fled to L.A. It's up to Snake Plissken to find the President's daughter and retrieve the doomsday device before its too late. Written by Anonymous


Blog Review: Escape from NY is one of the best 80's movies and possibly John Carpenters greatest work. On a personal note I love Starman, I think its his best film but i digress. Escape fro LA was a much hyped sequel to NY. i remember how much people were talkign about seeing this movie. Its supposed to take place 17 years in the future. LA is now a penal colony. Sound familiar? Kurt Russell clearly loves playing Snake Plisskin our hero or more the "anti hero" We all now how people find LA to be vain and self absorbed, so its fun to see how Carpenter plays on LA as a prison hell hole. Places that were once amazing estates and high end fashion streets are now overrun by gangs and warlords trying to run The LA island prison. The problem starts when the effects are just cheesy, this MOVIE needed a bigger budget but you can see the wires in some stunts the poor set design from the beginning. it was too polished, the original was gritty but this was just spit out by the Hollywood machine. I heard grumblings that Carpenter has plans for the final installment Escape from Earth, I'd still see this but would be leary that it may turn out like Ghosts of Mars.

Movie Drop off Point: Now to the fun part, Snake Plisskin is supposed to be the biggest bad ass ever, his name is renowned for his tough guy persona. Snake wouldn't help a dying kid on the street if he knew the path to freedom was on the other side. So why would they write scene in this film where Snake Plisskin plays basketball for his freedom. In the orginal Snake was in a battle to the death in a ring "Thunderdome" style. This was just a lazy way for them to make Snake do something. So we get to watch Kurt Russell take layups for 5 minutes. Am I in the minority when i say "Huh?..." John Carpenter, Kurt Russell or any of the many character actors couldn't of chimed in and been like ... Snake Plisskin would never do this... but again I bet the studios deemed this scene necessary. That scene I remember vividly and how I thought to myself, this is a bad movie and i want to go home.

Recommendation: See the original - 3 out of 10
Film Recommendation: Escape From NY(80), Mad Max (79), The Quiet Earth (85)

TAXI (2004)

Film: Taxi
Director: Tim Story
IMDB User Rating: 4.3/10

Premise: Belle Williams is a speed demon. Flying through the streets of New York in her tricked-out taxi, she's earned a rep as New York's fastest cabbie. But driving a hack is only a pit stop for her real dream: Belle wants to be a race car champion. And she's well on her way--until she's derailed by overeager cop Andy Washburn, whose undercover skills are matched only by his total ineptitude behind the wheel. Washburn, whose lack of vehicular skills has landed him in the precinct doghouse, is hot on the heels of a gang of beautiful Brazilian bank robbers, led by Vanessa, their cold, calculating--and leggy--leader. To nab the evasive crooks, drivers license-less Washburn convinces Belle to team up with him to pursue Vanessa and crew. Belle has carte blanche to drive at any speed and break any law. The car-less cop and speed-demon cabbie--New York's unlikeliest partners-- begin a high-speed game of cat and mouse with the robbers. That is, if Belle and Washburn don't end up killing each other first. Written by Sujit R. Varma

Blog Review: Wow... This movie is down right not good. This might take the record for quickest movie drop off point in the history of films. The movie stars Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon as the most mismatched pair int he history of film. Now, I'm a fan of both people, I think Jimmy Fallon is funny when he's not trying to be Adam Sandler and Queen of course is great cause she's brash and over the top comes of charming and not forced. She's gone a long way from the U.N.I.T.Y. videos of the early 90's. Anyway, this film is a remake of the french film Taxi made by uber action director Luc Besson Most notable for the brilliant movies like The Professional or Le Femme Nikita but this film is a travesty. Now to be fair I didn't see the french version of this film or any of the sequels, prequels or reimaginedbut this film was bad on so many levels. The film is about these 4 insanely hot thieves, first off don't most models get the world at their disposal, aren't they given the world anyway. So why rob banks? For the thrill? Only becasue the script says so. But the films chases scenes are so long and drawn out they could be cut down and be more entertaining. Tim Story the director went onto direct the Fantastic Four Films, movies much better then this shit sandwich(sorry to be blunt). I remember nothing entertaining about this movie and yet one scene the opening scene stands out to me and my fellow film watchers as the point in which I knew this movie was gonna be terrible.

Movie Drop off Point: The movie opens with a bike ride through the city, quite possibly some of the best bike stunts on film since BMX Bandits or the 80's classic RAD. The stunts are exceptional and we are to assume this character is our lead, we have yet to see the face of the person in the bike. Now the point in which the film dropped off was pretty obvious. The stunt man looked like a 16 year old boy, but when the bike ride ends at the companies headquarters the rider is revealed to be Queen Latifah. Okay, nuff said. Now I'm not gonna make a crack about Queen Latifah being a large women, but the fact that the director wants us to believe that she can do all these amazing things on a bike are ludicrous. Now I believe she can hit a curb with ease, but coming off a incline on a roof of truck and bouncing around is just downright insulting to all of us who paid our hard earned money to see bad stunt work. Couldn't they've hired an out of shape stunt rider instead of a kid off the streets of Venice. That moment of the helmet reveal is Queen Latifah, everyone started laughing and it wasn't meant to be funny... At least not on purpose.

Recommendation: Watch Taxi Cab Confessions or anything else - 2 out of 10
Film Recommendation: Rad, Gleaming the Cube, The transporter 1

The Hitcher (2007)

Film : The Hitcher (2007)
Director: Dave Meyers
IMDB User Rating: 5.2/10






Movie Premise:Collegiate couple Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush) and Jim Halsey (Zachary Knighton) hit the road in a 1970 Oldsmobile 442, en route to spring break , but their pleasure trip soon turns into a waking nightmare after encountering the mysterious hitchhiker John Ryder, a.k.a. The Hitcher (Sean Bean). The initial encounters with Ryder are increasingly off-putting for Grace and Jim, and they bravely fight back when he ambushes them. But they are truly blindsided when he implicates them in a horrific slaying and continues to shadow them. The open road becomes a battleground of blood and metal as, in trying to elude not only Ryder but also New Mexico State Police Lieutenant Esteridge's (Neal McDonough) officers, Grace and Jim must fight for their lives and face their fears head-on. Written by Rogue Pictures

Blog Review: SO Being a big fan of the original 1986 THE HITCHER, starring C. Thomas Howell and Rutger Hauer, I was of course apprehensive of a remake but with the success of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (04) and The beginning (06) it was no surprise to any of us that this film was to be remade by Michael bay and his Platinum Dunes Production Company. So as I sat watching the movie I have to say I was thoroughly enjoying the movie. This starred Sophia Bush and Zachary Knighton as our hapless couple on the run from a deranged Sean Bean playing John Rider " the Hitcher." The suspense was fairly well paced through out. Sean bean playing the menacing psycho was a good role for him and he delivered, as usual. Sophia Bush played the heroine strongly not overly dramatic as we see in most of these types of movies... So the thrilling, chilling crazy moments continued and for the most part and I was really enjoying the movie. Then it Happened....

*POSSIBLE SPOILERS
Movie Drop Off Point: The point in which this film fell off for me wasn't in the action exactly but the dialogue within the action at the end of the film. The build up is typical horror, great blood scenes, the torture scenes are all well made. but the exact moment in which the film nose dives is at the very end. Before I reveal the moment, its hard to say why a movie doesn't work but in the end my only view is that of the thing that bothered me will be the thing I remember the most. At the end of the film Sean bean escapes from police custody and the vigilant Sheriff is pinned to the car so he asks Sophia Bush to run away. Sophia Bush being the strong character says something to the effect of " I'm not running anymore" A collective laugh rolled through the room. This petite girl all of 5 foot weilding a shotgun and trying to do her best Ripley impression from Aliens didnt pay off. That moment is the point in which the audience will remember. This cheesy line I bet wasn't part of the directors shooting script this seemed like a studio devised "tag line" sort of thing that they wanted. The entire movie was ruined on that line. Now is that a harsh criticism ? I think no because when and I tell people to see this movie I will be like it's good but when that chick says a cheesy line at the end you'll laugh like we did and all the investment and hard work the people involved with this film will all be for nothing. The film will now be stockpiled on the shelves of remake obscurity.

Recommendation: View if you have nothing better to watch - 5 0ut of 10
Film Recommendation: The Hitcher ( 86), Haute Tension (03), Wolf Creek (05)